how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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