I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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