Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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