Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
3pm strippers are depressing
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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