There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
