One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
