he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
