i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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