Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
