you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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