I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
