omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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