I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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