I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
worst night to have a conscience
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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