it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
