Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
