You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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