After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
