I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
