didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
