So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
