there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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