there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
