I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
