Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
