Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
