My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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