Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
