Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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