I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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