I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
