You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
