i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
