Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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