DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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