I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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