Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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