WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
