I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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