is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
