I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
