Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
