that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
