He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
