If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
