well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
