I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
