i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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