I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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