I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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