My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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