he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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