I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
