I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
