my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
