i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
