I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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